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strang things page 5 by ~Micahra:iconMicahra:



Contains some violent content and implies of sexual content, please be 18 or older before you read. I will not be held responsible if anyone under 18 read this without a parent’s permission. Enjoy!








We got to town and everyone was looking at me as we shopped. I moved in closer to Tecnor. He glanced down at me. I never liked people watching me. Drameen walked into a dress shop, Tecnor ushered me in. the owner closed and locked the door. He turned and smiled at me. “So your master’s girl.” He walked around me, looking me up and down. “Hmm…not bad. What is you name girl?” he came in very close to my face. I looked at Tecnor. “Don’t look at him girl, look at me. I rank very high over him. Now tell me your name.” When I turned to look back at him, his face was so close our lips brushed. I started to step back but he caught my arm. “Let me go!” I said finally starting to get mad. “No. Not till I get your name.”
“Shyval. Now let go of me.” He looked at me for a moment “hmm…” he let go so abruptly that I stumbled back. “Headstrong too, I like her. Now to get you some things to wear.” He walked away into the back room. Drameen came over to me. “Don’t mind him, he’s pushy with everyone.” I look over at the way to the back room, “what did he mean when he said he ranked higher then Tecnor?” Drameen and Tecnor look a each other. “What?” I asked. “That is something best answered by the master when the time is right.” Drameen said with an angry look. “Are you angry with me for asking?”  She looked at me surprised, “oh! No dear, not with you.” She looked toward the backroom. “Shindavew, should not have said that to you. The master will be most upset.” She walked to the backroom. I looked at Tecnor; he gave me a weak smile. I walked over toward him, but as I go to him Drameen and Shindavew came out of the back. I noticed some dresses behind Tecnor. I walked around him with a slight glance at him, when I got to the dresses I started looking. I actually liked a lot of them. So I picked one out, “Can I see what this looks like on me?”  I said as I turned, everyone looked at me surprised. “What?” I asked. Shindavew smiled at me and walked over to a door. He open it, “you can change into it in here.” Drameen started smiling as well, “I think we need to get some different clothes from the back also.” She moved to the back room, “will you help me Tecnor?” “Of course.” I was left alone with Shindavew. “Would you like help putting that on?” “No. I’m fine.” I swept into the changing room quickly and closed the door, leaving Shindavew standing there about to say something else. “I don’t think I like him very much.” I murmured to myself. I took a better look at the dress I had picked out. It was a pink and black colored dress, with many straps on the arms that hung down and some that made the arms tight looking. It had a corset for the body of it. The skirt coming down was straight not puffy. I put it on with no trouble at all. It fit perfectly, but I didn’t like the pink, red maybe. I opened the door and walked out. Everyone turned to look at me. Drameen smiled, “it looks lovely on you.”   “I don’t like it pink. I want it red.” I said. Drameen looked at Shindavew. “I would be more than happy to make you a red one.” He walked over to me, “dose every thing feel like it fits alright for you or is there something other than the color you would like me to adjust for you?” I looked at him; he was being so serious now.   “No. Just the color.” I said.   “As you wish.” He examined the dress some more. “Give me three days and I will deliver it right to Drameen for you.”  I nodded. Tecnor stepped forward holding out some more outfits and dresses. When I just stood there looking at him puzzled, Drameen come up and said, “They are for you to choose out of. Try on the ones you like then do as you did with that one and tell Shindavew what you want him to adjust on it. We have many more than just these, I thought you could start with these.”    “Very well.” I said. I picked out the ones I liked and did as I did with the first dress. I put them on one by one, looked at them in the mirror, then walked out in each one and told Shindavew what I wanted and needed adjusted.
©2007-2009 ~Micahra
:iconmicahra:

Author's Comments

i hope you like the next page of my book. when i get it done i wish to get it publish but i dont know if that will ever happen but i can hope and wish. enjoy and let me know what you all think.

Comments


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:iconcalthyechild:
You want honest thoughts? Use paragraphs, dude. I have no idea what the rest of this story is about... I don't really follow literature on here because I find it awkward to follow chapters each posted all seperately... but if you really want an opinion on this one?

First and foremost and MOST FREAKING IMPORTANTLY, use paragraphs! You have none! It's impossible to follow the dialogue. I'm not trying to be mean by yelling at you here, but this could've been way more enjoyable if you just paragraphed it out. Each line of dialogue should be on a new paragraph. Secondly, spell check and check for capitalization. New sentences in quote marks... dialogue... those should all be capitalized as well.

It's great to see you hoping for publication, but you'll have way more of a shot at it if you make it... well... easier to read. And formatting can go a long way. On the internet, each new paragraph should be double spaced out. It makes it way easier to read. And, really? If you want to be published? Strive at it. Get it all written down! I encourage you to write, write it down before you lose it all... get the story down, and then go back over and nitpick for details. If you have a story worth telling, in the end if you can finish it... hey, you can even self-publish, because nothing beats the feel of holding your own book. :D

I don't write erotica, so I can't really offer much help. I get the impression you're going for some sort of slave/master story... I don't write that sort of thing, so, yeah... I can just offer the formatting suggestions. I do hope you follow them. You'll probably gain more readers in that manner.

And I'm really glad to see you slapping the warning lable on top. Not enough people do that. :)

--
I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around's breaking down to chaos

Between Places: everything you know is only a dream - a fantasy graphic novel
:iconmicahra:
well, first off thank you very much for reading it. Also thank you for the tips, but I was just seeing how people liked the story line. I didn't make it perfect for the simple fact that it is just the rough draft.

Plus I don't have my editor here to edit me stories at this time. There for she can not spell check my work. I used word spell check but everyone knows it is not very good.

Also as I said before I wanted to get it published. What I didn't say was that I don't see that happening for a long time. I have told others, but maybe I should say it in all my comments with my work, I have a hard time letting people read my work and ever getting it done for the simple fact that I am always going over and over it to redo it.

I also have this little problem with spelling. I have had it as far back as I can remember, but that has never stopped me from doing what I love to do.

I'm sorry if this reply sounds mean. I don't mean it too. And as for the paragraph thing. I put it up there as pages, but what I put up is only a paragraph at a time. My paragraphs are long.

I will keep what you said in mind though, for when I am writing the real book.

Thank you again.

--
rule # 1: be nice to all. rule # 2: learn rule # 1. heh heh I'm still learning rule # 1.
:iconcalthyechild:
As long as a paragraph is, a paragraph does NOT contain multiple lines of dialogue from seperate people! No exceptions to the rules!

You didn't sound mean, sorry if I sounded mean. I'm not being mean either. The plot looks like it could be interesting. .I'd suggest posting more than a page at a time, it's hard to get much from just one page. I glanced over a couple other pages as well. It looks interesting. Try posting a chapter at a time, maybe... XD

--
I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around's breaking down to chaos

Between Places: everything you know is only a dream - a fantasy graphic novel
:iconmicahra:
yeah, I'll try that. thank you.

--
rule # 1: be nice to all. rule # 2: learn rule # 1. heh heh I'm still learning rule # 1.
:iconnaruto944035:
Yay, page five! Write more! Me likey. But anywho, when's Askar going to pop up?

--
Avatar made by:
*Veemonsito
:iconmicahra:
lol i am going to post more very soon i might be able to tonight if my lil girl dont wake up on me, see i only get to type my work out at night and that is if she will stay asleep. but i will work hard to put you some more up to read.

--
rule # 1: be nice to all. rule # 2: learn rule # 1. heh heh I'm still learning rule # 1.
:iconnaruto944035:
Ah, good luck with that. Yay, I can't wait!! I have a new story out now. I've gotten three chapters done in one day, and damn am I tired. It's 11:40 right now, at night. That's how long I've been typing it. Some of it's kinda rushed, mostly chapter one and half of chapter two, but the rest is me taking my time on it.

--
Avatar made by:
*Veemonsito
:iconmicahra:
i will read it. but it might be another night cuz i worked all day and am trying to get another page of my story up for you. and again thank you very much. i am so glad you like it so much. that is why i put it up here is to see how ppl like the storyline cuz it is just the rough draft, but i am really glad you like it so much.

--
rule # 1: be nice to all. rule # 2: learn rule # 1. heh heh I'm still learning rule # 1.
:iconnaruto944035:
Yay! That's okay. I know how it works with adults and working all night. My dad does that all the time, but I watch the little ones while he rests and my mom goes to work at nite. It's a busy schedule, But what do you expect form a family of six?

--
Avatar made by:
*Veemonsito

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March 8, 2007
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